Close friendship makes a sharp turn into swinging! Advice needed.
My wife and I have enjoyed an open marriage for the past 16 years. We are both in our earlier fifties and still are fond of the lifestyle. We partake in the hotwife/stag lifestyle and MFM threesomes. We dabbled in the swingers arena about 12 years ago with two different sets of couples. Although not a horrible experience with either couple, we both realized that we preferred hotwifing and threesomes. The first couple, it was an ex employee I knew and it was more about the sex. They didnt communicate well and we decided to end it. The second couple was from out of town and just a one time experience. My wife doesnt get turned on by me playing with other women and especially if we are in the same location so we never thought about it again.
Fast forward to last summer, where we met a great couple in our town. I will start by saying we dont have a ton of close friends so it was nice to meet new folks. We live in a college town so the opportunities are limited when it comes to meeting new people. The connection between the 4 of us was almost instantaneous and we started hanging out the next week. We all just clicked and they didnt have many friends either. We had finally found our people said both couples. Although there has always been sexual innuendo between all of us, nothing was ever brought up about sexual attraction, chemistry or being in the lifestyle. There has been flirting over the months but nothing blatant or end your face. We all were enjoying our new friendship and love being together as friends. My wife and I suspected that the couple might be into non monogamy but never had any definitive signs. I am sure they felt the same way too about us. We didnt want to make things awkward by exposing our lifestyle choice as our new friendship was blossoming and important to us.
Then this last weekend happened that changed everything. We went out to dinner and then bar hopping. We were all in a fantastic mood and the alcohol definitely loosened our inhibitions. The male half and I went to the mens room where he started telling me about their recent trip to Amsterdam and the wild time they had in the red light district. They had told us about it during dinner but now the husband started going into greater detail. Basically they had a threesome with a female sex worker and we talked about their experience. He made a comment about my wife and I being too vanilla or naive. I was definitely under the influence and I let it slip that my wife and I have an open marriage and have had our share of naughty experiences. I could tell he got real excited and started to ask questions about our marriage as we stood in the hallway.
We went back to our wives and I later found out that the other wife had given my wife more details about Amsterdam as well. We ended back at their house and played a dice game and continued the drinking. I sat next to the other wife while her husband sat next to my wife. There was a lot of touching and flirting throughout between both couples. At one point, my wife and the other husband went into the kitchen to refill their drinks. I knew they were probably kissing and boy was I ever correct. The wife and I kissed briefly as well but stopped before they returned.
At this point, the cat was out of the bag and it was time to spill the beans. We told them that we were in an open marriage and told them a little about our experiences. Based on their replies, they seemed to be interested in the lifestyle but never officially embarked on that journey. We were all pretty drunk and I knew us guys would have difficulty performing. My wife and I both made it known that we should keep expectations low due to the amount of alcohol. We talked for a good 30 minutes trying to figure out the logistics. The other husband wanted us to all go upstairs into their bedroom and play together in their bed. My wife and I are both straight so we definitely didnt want to be out in a situation where same sex play could be a possibility. I knew my wife didnt want to see me with the other wife so she took the other husband upstairs and me and the other wife stayed on the couch.
Neither couple had a bad time but the alcohol definitely hindered the performances of both us guys. We ended up going home at 5:00am in a bit of shock and disbelief that things actually went as far as they did. Both my wife and I never had expected the night to end that way and we fell asleep that morning.
Here we are a few days later and I am coming to Reddit for advice and guidance. We are all in a group text chat and things seem to be fine. My wife and I both agree that our next visit with them will be sober and full of clarity. We need to have an open discussion about expectations, boundaries and wants/desires. My wife and I cherish our friendship above all else but now my wife thinks things might turn awkward or end all altogether.
My question to others with similar experiences or just general experience in the swinging lifestyle: how do you navigate a tight and close friendship once you introduce the swinging aspect into the equation? I would love to hear success stories but always stories of failed friendships. I feel like I have so much to learn about swinging after this weekend. We have always been confident about the hotwife/threesome aspect but now we both feel completely out of the element.



