My question is, why is this important, and why is bending the category past breaking a good idea? These are larger questions than what one or two guys decide their identities are. I'll be blunt about how I grew up. In no imagined world was anyone going to say that straight means sex with men. That wasn't even a consideration. The major social organizations and the psychiatric and medical professions were not going to accept that either. The massive social shift that has occurred for all men is because of out gay men and a smaller portion of bi men and no appreciable number of straight men (str8 women on the other hand did show up, as did transfolks) getting the crap knocked out of them, risking their careers, and fighting hard. I know, I was there. Our reward for this hard work was Reagan choosing to let HIV get out of control and kill millions. You read that right, HIV could have been stopped but Ronnie let it go because he wanted us all dead. It's a bit hard to get past, that one. Str8 men are still not showing up for any of the heavy lifting, just so you know. So when the crisis gets managed, and the fight for the right to live free of persecution is nearly over, and it is safer that ever for men who are into men to have discrete, safe, and socially acceptable (way way way more than ever before) sex with each other, the concern is preserving one's heterosexuality while having the sex that someone else fought for but not calling it that. And you know what? I didn't fight for our rights because I wanted to force anyone into anything. I did it because it was the right thing to do, so I am not now going to prescribe for anyone their sexuality or orientation. But from the perspective I have, the questions that are concerned with the preservation of heteosexuality kind of infer that the alternatives aren't desirable. And that's not cool in my books. Do I think that men can have sex with each other and stay pretty much hetero. Sure, and I know a couple. You also know, like every other man who discovers m2m after a certain point, that it feels and tastes and binds you up and spins you around, and in my experience , the guys who casually hit it once in a while or once or twice, Kinsey 9's and 10's. If you do it often, think write watch etc represenations of m2m sex, and this is ongoing for years, and still want to call youself str8, that to me would be a stretch, and the question becomes why and how is that healthy? My last question is, in this scenario, you're worried about being queered by your straight buddy, you will question your own sexuality in this but you assume his. How do you know he's str8? Your only hard evidence of the sex he likes is your own experience.
Your post intrigued me. I don't think it is as cut and dry as you suggest. I personally thoroughly enjoy the intimacy when there is an emotional attachment and that is my preference. However that does not discount the pure physical enjoyment of random sex. I now identify as bisexual however when I was in my 20's I would 'allow' guys to suck me but never reciprocate because then I could maintain my 'straight' status. Now, as I said, sex is much more enjoyable if you have a connection with the person but I still would not turn down a BJ from a glory hole. Keep in mind, there are some, for whatever reason, enjoy providing anonymous sex. I guess the bottom line is if it feels good, do it. By the eway, I have never paid for sex. That is another discussion.
I see no reason to put labels on what kind of sex you have. If it feels good, do it. The PC police seem to want to label everything and put everything in a box. I have had sex with men and women, not much I have not done. Am I gay? Bi? Homosexual? Pansexual? (insert word)sexual? WHO CARES!!!! Like a couple of others have stated before, just enjoy what comes your way, male or female, and don't be pushy, just enjoy the pleasure.
I agree completely but my experience is that is not the case. It seems that the majority just wants to get off or even just find a willing guy and play games and never meet or even get to know one another. A true friend can become a FWB if there is a bond that devleops with mutual interests in other things beside the 0bvious.
I think/believe most people don't want to be labeled as a certain person. It makes it easier to have a conversation if someone put a name on your preference. They difficult part is we believed as mankind for many years that only Hetero, Gay and bisexual existed. But that's not the case and that is also the difficult part. so regarding to hetero men having gay sex. If I would keep it simple 1) They are living to themselves. 2) They don't have better words rather than hetero guys having gay sex. 3) They don't care about labels with a combi of the other two reasons. But even so it can be more difficult then that.
So i'm surfing cams ( because lets face it, amateur couplesare the hottest and more authentic than any porn any day),and im' on Chaturbate and i bump into this one camthat is a couple of straight bros. The story behind these guys: is that they're two straightloggers up in canada got laid off and i guess they were reallybroke. One of them moved in with his buddy and his g/f.Could't find work, so long story short they started messingaround with each other on cam. they're girlfriends are totally aware of whats going on and are supportiveof their endeavors. I identify as straight, and was just watching to see how far these guyswould go. ( oh and they went *all* the way ) and i'm watching and realizingthat i've got a full on raging boner. i found myself turned on by this. they definitely were into the pleasure of it, but they still identify as straightand they prefer to have sex with females but to earn some extra cash theyhave sex with each other. It was obvious for them, they had that male bondingenergy going. The guy on the receiving end, says that he enjoys his anal toysand so when he buddy fucks him its just like a dildo to him. So what do you guys think? is it possible to be straight, completely heterosexualbut be able to function with the same gender as long as it was someone you werevery close to and felt an emotional connection with?
So, I have no idea if this is true or not but, from my pov this sounds like a very perfect storm of exactly what a whole lot of people want and are looking for and, I would say that using this as any kind of basis for asking whether or not what is said to be the case is actually the case puts too much faith in this being true without any real evidence... I can say with about 70% confidence that I either know who they are, or have had someone share their account or profiles with me for reasons I can't remember but, I think their professionals of some kind and not loggers or worked in that industry at one point in some way but also pro dancers, escorts, models, film or erotica workers, and there is nothing wrong with any of that, just to be clear, but... when the show is a pro show it's still a show, and it's hella cool to enjoy anything you want for your own pleasure and you dont even need to define what that is bro... but... where I come from dudes who screw each other for cash, are not considered straight, in fact, some folks would argue they are more gay than I am, which is silly, but I come from a silly place obsessed with what's homo and what's not (some of the stuff is whack a doodle doo but... like if you like fantasy literature you're gay...uhh those dragon riding ladies with the big titties, uh...that's gay bro cause usually nekkid ladies for men is what we call straight but...hey... im joking i know they mean Harry Potter lol.
Here's the thing. I have had sex with men who identify from fully straight to fully gheeeyyyyy with sprinkles and rainbows (cause someone has to) and... I have found that from my experience of it, their being into it, and capable of performing well and even well above the bar...has had zero to do with how they self identify. The worst BJ I have ever had was from a 100% confirmed gay guy (chewing ... lollypop smacking the head and then just jerking it rough and irregular with teeth on the knob bad) but I also had a married buddy show up at my door, walk in pull my pants down, deepthroat me, present his hole and take me like a champ just because apparently it was the right time for it. The sex was gay sex in both cases. Two men fucking or sucking cannot be a straight sex act. It just cannot. But... does the act make the person automatically what the act is? No. And it has nothing to do with how good or how bad, if you love the dude or not, if you only did it for money or those lines are all artificial and not necessary... is that something that you need or is it something you did for curiosity? Is there something in the relationship that makes it outside of normal life for you or does it just happen cause you can't not have it happen? Do you even know anything about it other than you do it?
I can't answer those questions for anyone but I have asked myself all of them at one point a very long time ago never any one mind when the point is I didn't want to be gay, because no one wanted to be gay and it was totally unacceptable in that time and place, but I kept on having sex with dudes and women and lots of it and trying to ignore that I was. I am technically bisexual after over 100 women in a lifetime I can't really say I am technically gay but I identify that way because it is still the most stigmatized identity and I can take it and am glad to stand in front of those who are less confident and more vulnerable until it's not anything anyone thinks is wrong or bad. I have had a straight buddy who never thought of it before and never imagined he would go from let's hang out to full on fucking in three days not cause I did anything but because he wanted to. And I wasn't going to be a dick about it, I got to show him how good it can feel, but that's more cause the ladies he knew were terrible at sex rather than me being great at it I just had a really easy target range for "amazing"... and what he said to me was...I am not gay but I can't say I am not gay for you, because that... was gay...lol. I thought that was pretty awesome and it was a way to laugh about the "no sex at all" to "ok just the tip" then "ok this but not these things" and then telling me I was being unreasonable by suggesting that promising me what he wasn't going to do wasnt necessary cause I wasnt suggesting anything only reacting to him asking for something which I could stop if that was what was needed, and then... I just remember telling myself the same things (inside voice though) and ending up in the same place fast and furious and he was like you probably were telling the truth about going through it too yes? Uh, yeah bro lol.
The sex, not the man, but sometimes the sex and the man both are gay, however, straight men who have gay sex aren't fully heterosexual, those men never have sex with men, and some won't even do some things with women like cunnulingus cause apparently eating pussy is gay which totally messes with my head cause, I think eating pussy is generally straight sex when you a dude. But I wanna suggest that at either extreme there's totally normal people but also some folks with issues, and the idea of purity or totality as something we should strive for is a really messed up one because... no one is only one thing and not another, to be human is to have the ability to flow, to bend, to merge, and change and not have to fit in a box for anyone at all...and that's a good thing. That doesn't mean everyone has the same range of flexibility or desire to mess with their boundaries and push things into new places, it just means nothing says you cant explore experiment or identify how you want for any reason you want. But that really stops at where someone else starts. And I know I played with that edge myself here but it's play and for a reason, not to make one person something and another something else, but to show how fluid it really can be and why that's not a bad thing. Also, if the desire and the pleasure are in the construction of a straight on straight identity and fantasy, dude go for it hardcore. I will say I have had a real hard time finding anyone who is believable in that role with me but then again, I am not helping just by the fact of me being who I am so...
For me, the more interesting and fun question is... does anyone else get into being straight bros who have sex because (insert the reason that is the best for you and him here) doesn't do it with anyone else, doesn't want to and has women either as partners, lovers or fucks lots cause thats what he likes to do.... but can't get the bond or strength to strength balance or be that way with a woman cause, that's not how it goes... someone who is into it, willing to commit and takes it seriously and wants it is the right person, (probably a man), and I always tell guys I am fucking with who wanna tell me exactly who and what they are they don't gotta do any of that, I ain't asking I ain't telling and I am getting what I want so unless its a fetish or a fantasy man, what I care about is here and now, your life beyond is none of my business if we are just getting off and enjoying sex, you can be whoever you want to be and I am not gonna question any of it, cause that's being stupid instead of smart...smart is just enjoying whats on offer. One day, in the future, none of this will matter because we are all basically bisexual in our biology... and capacity and at the end of the day if men women all are equal do we even need to draw those lines or is it just ok to let people be for each other in any way they want to as consenting adults? I am pretty much there but it was a lot of work. Right now, masculinity still is being defined as a competition and ranking system where ultra straight alpha males (not a real thing at all) are the better kind of man, and the rest are varying shades of not quite right. Which is fkn silly. The man who is real is always the dude that steps up, bends and supports, cares and goes above and beyond for everyone else while keeping things from being crazy or loud, who defends, protects, and gives himself and honours others... and sometimes that man is a woman too (character matters to me most of all), and I just want men to be able to get out from under that one winner 100 losers model of wtf cause it sells us all short.
If guys who id as straight wanna fuck, great. But fuck. Needing it to be not gay universally is... something that in private I am all for but outside of that, kinda gets messy for me.
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