New to swinging would like more info
Hi im new to swinging, just kinda curious to know a little bit more. My bd is wanting to do the swinging thing. He has told me he has done it before and would like me to try it. He is younger than me hes 34 and i am 47. He is also interested in threesomes but i dont know where to go for that. So i thought i would see whats up here first. My questions are how would this work,what does it do to your relationship. Does it ruin a relationship or can it make it stronger. How should a relationship be before you even think about swinging or threesomes. Does a man want threesomes or swinging because their bored with you. Or can it just mean its not that hes bored with you but just wnts extra time from time. Ok this is my bf. We have been together almost three yrs. And he told me he wanted a threesome. My thought omg hes bored with me or not attracted to me. He said thats not it that he just wanted a little extra in the bedroom. Now i have never been asked to do this so im thinking its me. So these are some worries i have. Does it require a strong relationship. Honesty. Or is his just an honest way to cheat. Do you set boundaries for swinging or threesomes. Or should it be like it would be if it was just him and i. Things i need to know so if anybody who has been doing this for quite some time i would love your honest information.
Casey,
I'm new to the site but my new wife and I have been swinging over a year now andI have some experience from my previous marriage. First, I apologize no one has responded to your post after 4 weeks. SAD.
As for your bf wanting a 3 some and wanting you to swing, there are several things you need to think about first.
1) Are you jealous of your bf? If you are at all jealous, it won't work. Do you point out girls for him to look at? Do you talk about having another person in bed with you all when you're having sex with your bf? Fantasize? Anything? How would you feel if you were to watch your bf with another woman? Are YOU open to having sex with another man while being committed to your bf? If you would not be okay with any of these, then it's not for you. Tell him that you've thought about it and you don't think you could stand watching him with another woman AND/OR, you don't think you could have sex with another man.
2) IF, you are okay with the above, then you and him need to sit down and talk about it. Let him know that you think you would be okay with but not sure until it was to happen. MAKE RULES. What are YOU comfortable with doing and NOT doing. Write them down so he can read them and be certain of your limits. My wife and I have agreed to certain things and here they are. Maybe it will help you.
a) We only play in the SAME room with the other couple.b) At first, until a trust is built, we require condoms. If it's something that ALL parties agree to later on, bareback it is. c) No pain. d) My wife is a little heavy andis not comfortable with a couple that has a smaller or petite female so couples with females that are close to her size are required. e) We only play within our own race.f) We don't play with couples who use recreational drugs.g) They must be attractive.h) My wife is bi-sexual so a female who is bi or bi curious is a plus and we are more likely to play with them over a straight couple.
We did have the rule that there was no kissing. That was early on. Now, it will depend on the couple and discussed when we meet.
Some couple, well most, meet the other couple for dinner or drinks to talk and get to know each other a little before jumping in the bed. As we all know, not everyone clicks and there's not sense playing with another couple if there is no chemistry there. You won't enjoy it.
When we fuck, we often talk about her fucking another man and how I want to watch him penetrate her and fuck the hell out of her and then cum in her filling her full. Maybe a multi-orgasmic male who can come inside her multiple times and then I fuck her; or she wants to watch me fuck another woman and fill her up. She wants to try DP. Either one in her ass (she loves anal) and one in her pussy or two in her pussy. This sets her off like a rocket. We talk about another woman sucking her huge tits while she's getting pounded by the other man. We talk about a lot. So no, there are no jealousy issues with us.
Decide if you can host. Play at your house or if you require to get a hotel or the other couples house. We have kids so hosting here isn't an option. It can put some much needed spark in your relationship but you HAVE to have a strong relationship now. If you are arguing a lot over insecurities, trust, etc., then do NOT do it. It will NOT fix it. You have to have the trust BEFORE you start this. Kind of like having a foundation for a house that is solid so the house won't fall, you have to have a strong foundation in your relationship before adding to it. Have an understanding that if either one of you start having issues, that you can call it off or take a break and work out the issues.
I hope this has helped. If you have any questions, please ask.
John
Hey John, great info! Your response was great and it's just what we're looking for. Would you recommend any additional sites or articles on swinging that my wife and I can read? I do have a question about the jealously part. My wife is totally down for additional lovers/experiences (she's invited me before) but she's terribly jealous of women around me. What to do? I'm looking into swinging ect. b/c I think it would please my wife, yet with these mixed messages I'm at a loss as to where to start. Any more advice?
There is a very old saying in the Swinging community... "It's the men that get the women into the Lifestyle, but, it's the women that keep them in." It's not for everyone and jeliously will kill you but, on the other hand we've been doing this for 20 years and have made the best friends ever.
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